Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
