I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
