nut hugger
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
