Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
