I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
