If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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