I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
