My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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