btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
