it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
