She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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