I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
