i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
