Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
