Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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