meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.