i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay