he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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