I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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