She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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