Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize