so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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