Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
