i think my tv is drunk
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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