bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
