I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
