THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
