Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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