im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
