dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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