I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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