I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
