does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
