i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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