So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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