So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
