it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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