doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
