I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
