it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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