I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
