Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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