are you so shy because you have an std?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
