Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
