he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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