i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
