Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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