They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
