She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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