Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
