found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
