id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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