spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
40s are totally the cure
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need to calm my uterus...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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