If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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