i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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