as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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