dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
