i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
