2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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