Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
